Vonkboptan is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, idiotic ferret.

Vonkboptan created time and space seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkboptan, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkboptan, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Vonkboptan's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Vonkboptan's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never laugh near porpoises.

5. Do not chop down trees.