Jipwotmig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, ill-tempered fairy.

Jipwotmig created carbon two million years ago.

If you believe in Jipwotmig, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jipwotmig, he will laugh at you.

Jipwotmig's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Jipwotmig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Jipwotmig in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never bounce in holy places.

4. Do not drink water in black rooms.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.