Waptar is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, staggering dove.

Waptar created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Waptar, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Waptar, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Waptar's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Waptar's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Waptar.

2. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near geese while wearing brown shorts and balancing five tin spheres on your back.