Tardadgud Funtikfoss is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, deceitful dugong.

Tardadgud Funtikfoss created oxygen eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tardadgud Funtikfoss, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tardadgud Funtikfoss, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tardadgud Funtikfoss' most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tardadgud Funtikfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Erect eight tin sculptures of Tardadgud Funtikfoss on top of important buildings.

3. Never wear ear rings.

4. Never paint your hands black.

5. Always help ducks in need.