Fatkipsidhas Lagvollab Tignuttcen is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unthinking swallow.

Fatkipsidhas Lagvollab Tignuttcen created an up quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fatkipsidhas Lagvollab Tignuttcen, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fatkipsidhas Lagvollab Tignuttcen, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Fatkipsidhas Lagvollab Tignuttcen's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Fatkipsidhas Lagvollab Tignuttcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into black rooms.

2. Never feed lots of spinach to dogs while wearing orange corsets.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Feed all hungry monkeys.

5. Run away from gray tortoises, for they are unholy.