Parkvolcad is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, two-faced wren.

Parkvolcad created light two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Parkvolcad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Parkvolcad, he will remove you from existence.

Parkvolcad's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Parkvolcad's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Parkvolcad.

3. Always look after injured monkeys.

4. Parkvolcad must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never sit in the presence of foxes.