Talbonkjap is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, uncaring warg.

Talbonkjap created the planet Jupiter three million years ago.

If you believe in Talbonkjap, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Talbonkjap, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Talbonkjap's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Talbonkjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Run away if eight badgers approach from the east.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Talbonkjap.