Mutvensan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, strong chicken.

Mutvensan created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutvensan, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Mutvensan, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Mutvensan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Mutvensan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear violet rings.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Retreat if three birds approach from the west.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not leap in public.