Mab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, quiet lobster.

Mab created the planet Saturn five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Mab, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Mab's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Mab's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near monkeys while wearing brown ear rings and balancing eight titanium spheres on your back.

3. Retreat if three aardvarks approach from the east.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

5. Always look after injured frogs.