Hakhinbam Pogtitgum is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, tiresome mole.

Hakhinbam Pogtitgum created Africa eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakhinbam Pogtitgum, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hakhinbam Pogtitgum, it will not invite you to parties.

Hakhinbam Pogtitgum's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Hakhinbam Pogtitgum's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Hakhinbam Pogtitgum.

2. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always obey Hakhinbam Pogtitgum's priests.