Xuckhotlun is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, all-knowing lizard.

Xuckhotlun created the planet Jupiter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckhotlun, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xuckhotlun, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Xuckhotlun's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Xuckhotlun's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms orange.

2. Run away from cyan birds, for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about solid mechanics near mites while wearing yellow jumpers and balancing nine titanium spheres on your hands.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Learn four new languages a year.