Fetcidsaw is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, staggering giraffe.

Fetcidsaw created dark matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetcidsaw, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fetcidsaw, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fetcidsaw's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Fetcidsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed parsnips to voles while wearing red hats.

2. Fetcidsaw must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Do not keep nine snakes in a large pit.

5. Never play with disobedient children.