Capfumhog is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, resourceful mole.

Capfumhog created humanity three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Capfumhog, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Capfumhog, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Capfumhog's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Capfumhog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near swans while wearing pink ear rings.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Sharks are not to be trusted.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not covet oxen.