Gesshavjen is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, deceitful tortoise.

Gesshavjen created everything that exists two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gesshavjen, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gesshavjen, she will turn you into a plant.

Gesshavjen's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Gesshavjen's Holy Commandments

1. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not dye your hair black.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gesshavjen.

4. You must never eat spinach.

5. Do not chop down trees.