Quarttikkar is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, grumpy jellyfish.

Quarttikkar created the planet Venus nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quarttikkar, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quarttikkar, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Quarttikkar's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Quarttikkar's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. You must never eat nuts.

4. Erect a large lead sculpture of Quarttikkar on top of all buildings.

5. Do not speak about onions.