Yimnurtkar is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust tortoise.

Yimnurtkar created the planet Venus three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yimnurtkar, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Yimnurtkar, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Yimnurtkar's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Yimnurtkar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

2. Do not leap in public.

3. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a room before entering it.

4. You must love Yimnurtkar.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.