Vonmidpin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, capable wyrm.

Vonmidpin created everything that exists two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonmidpin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vonmidpin, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vonmidpin's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Vonmidpin's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Always help eagles.

3. Never write about dwarf planets.

4. Whales are not to be trusted.

5. Do not make images of living things.