Figtartig is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, grumpy wolf.

Figtartig created a photon four years ago.

If you believe in Figtartig, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Figtartig, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Figtartig's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Figtartig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep six mites in a large pit.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always help bats.

4. Hide from turquoise nematodes for they are unholy.

5. You must love Figtartig.