Kapcarpig is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, uncaring snail.

Kapcarpig created the Milkyway five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapcarpig, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Kapcarpig, she will strike you with lightening.

Kapcarpig's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Kapcarpig's Holy Commandments

1. Kapcarpig must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not eat tomatoes.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Never write about nucleic acids.