Tafgig Vedarfsigmig is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, humane dugong.

Tafgig Vedarfsigmig created parasitic wasps seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafgig Vedarfsigmig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tafgig Vedarfsigmig, he will turn you into a dog.

Tafgig Vedarfsigmig's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Tafgig Vedarfsigmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near seals while wearing orange rings and balancing nine platinum spheres on your feet.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.