Gupfudbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, prudent whale.

Gupfudbarn created Europe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gupfudbarn, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gupfudbarn, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Gupfudbarn's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Gupfudbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tortoises.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching lead.

3. Never allow horses to witness sacred rites.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never prepare turnips during summer.