Fetgonzed is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, awe-inspiring ferret.

Fetgonzed created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetgonzed, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fetgonzed, he will turn you into a hamster.

Fetgonzed's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Fetgonzed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

3. Never allow voles to witness sacred rites.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Fetgonzed in the centre of the settlement.