Yarlcubfod is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, bad-tempered aardvark.

Yarlcubfod created humanity two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlcubfod, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yarlcubfod, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Yarlcubfod's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Yarlcubfod's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to cruelty.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

3. Never gather three voles in one place.

4. Do not wear trousers marked with fawn.

5. Never prepare grapes during summer.