Witnillab is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, proud camel.

Witnillab created the cosmos seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Witnillab, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Witnillab, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Witnillab's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Witnillab's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about optics.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching tin.

5. Do not chop down trees.