Tarnulwee is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, kind hyena.

Tarnulwee created the planet Jupiter four million years ago.

If you believe in Tarnulwee, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tarnulwee, it will turn you into a goat.

Tarnulwee's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Tarnulwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never whisper while facing west.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not contemplate special relativity during the night.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not dye your hair gray.