Zaksatfagfoss is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, fussy owl.

Zaksatfagfoss created a top quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Zaksatfagfoss, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zaksatfagfoss, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zaksatfagfoss' most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Zaksatfagfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always help seals in need.

4. Never handle gold while unclean.

5. Never wear cyan shirts.