Lapflabvab is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonest alligator.

Lapflabvab created Mount Everest two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapflabvab, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lapflabvab, he will boil you in a big pot.

Lapflabvab's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Lapflabvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare lemons during autumn.

2. Always wash your face before prayer.

3. Never feed lentils to porpoises while wearing hats.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not kill tortoises.