Yarpnulbep is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, kind narwhal.

Yarpnulbep created a charm quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpnulbep, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yarpnulbep, it will turn you into a dog.

Yarpnulbep's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Yarpnulbep's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain shirts during rituals.

2. Never speak at midnight.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never feed carrots to turtles while wearing hats.

5. Never think about gravity near birds while wearing orange tights and balancing eight copper spheres on your face.