Capbagtetti is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, fussy squirrel.

Capbagtetti created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Capbagtetti, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Capbagtetti, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Capbagtetti's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Capbagtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Always help rats in need.

2. Always help sick sharks.

3. Never gather eight snakes in one place.

4. Never approach mountains carrying stone.

5. Erect a giant white sculpture of Capbagtetti in the centre of the settlement.