Kaplakyat is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, weak mink.

Kaplakyat created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kaplakyat, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kaplakyat, he will turn you into a worm.

Kaplakyat's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Kaplakyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always look after injured geese.

3. Squirrels are not to be trusted.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never gather five frogs in one place.