Bontarpgov is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, grumpy clam.

Bontarpgov created water three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bontarpgov, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bontarpgov, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Bontarpgov's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Bontarpgov's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not wear dresses marked with fawn.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never proclaim while facing north.