Bigtettiflis is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, able cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bigtettiflis created the Virgo Supercluster six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigtettiflis, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bigtettiflis, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bigtettiflis' most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Bigtettiflis' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Never handle silver while unclean.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

5. Bigtettiflis must be the most important thing in your life.