Largfomnel Zakjipquag is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unfair giraffe.

Largfomnel Zakjipquag created a quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Largfomnel Zakjipquag, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Largfomnel Zakjipquag, he will boil you in a big pot.

Largfomnel Zakjipquag's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Largfomnel Zakjipquag's Holy Commandments

1. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not record signs concerning comets.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not prepare parsnips while filled with anger.

5. Never talk about planets.