Cabstandinnan is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, resourceful human.

Cabstandinnan created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cabstandinnan, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cabstandinnan, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Cabstandinnan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Cabstandinnan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

2. Do not study enzymes on holy days.

3. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not keep five shrews in a large pit.