Tomflybest is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, selfish cow.

Tomflybest created the world three million years ago.

If you believe in Tomflybest, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tomflybest, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tomflybest's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Tomflybest's Holy Commandments

1. Always store oranges above ground.

2. Hide if three rats approach from the north.

3. Do not speak about carrots.

4. Do not consume corn at dawn.

5. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.