Zagmetnul is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, blissful dugong.

Zagmetnul created a Higgs boson eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zagmetnul, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zagmetnul, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Zagmetnul's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Zagmetnul's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

2. Always help sick geese.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Never prepare limes during winter.