Zancunstik is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unthoughtful raven.

Zancunstik created a charm quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zancunstik, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zancunstik, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Zancunstik's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Zancunstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sharks.

2. Never chant while facing south.

3. Never record secrets.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Never pour water over plants.