Jinrapbim is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, loving tapir.

Jinrapbim created the Large Magellanic Cloud three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jinrapbim, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jinrapbim, it will turn you into a dog.

Jinrapbim's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Jinrapbim's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near nematodes while wearing pink tights and balancing five aluminium spheres on your legs.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never pour water over plants.