Xemstipsaf is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, sapient mink.

Xemstipsaf created carbon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemstipsaf, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Xemstipsaf, he will turn you into a hamster.

Xemstipsaf's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Xemstipsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of nuts to moths while wearing gray coats.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Hide if eight ants approach from the south.