Lapkadpodhaknarfodarm is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, annoying octopus.

Lapkadpodhaknarfodarm created the Milkyway five million years ago.

If you believe in Lapkadpodhaknarfodarm, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lapkadpodhaknarfodarm, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Lapkadpodhaknarfodarm's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Lapkadpodhaknarfodarm's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest red.

2. Always count to seven before sleeping.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

4. Feed all hungry ducks.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.