Stafflysaf is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, irritating shrew.

Stafflysaf created time and space six million years ago.

If you believe in Stafflysaf, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Stafflysaf, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Stafflysaf's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Stafflysaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

2. Do not name children after aardvarks.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always stare at clouds.