Bastjamzen Zigsityarp Zodbatfid is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, emotional porpoise.

Bastjamzen Zigsityarp Zodbatfid created a charm quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bastjamzen Zigsityarp Zodbatfid, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bastjamzen Zigsityarp Zodbatfid, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bastjamzen Zigsityarp Zodbatfid's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bastjamzen Zigsityarp Zodbatfid's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry otters.

2. Always share figs with strangers, but never with rats.

3. Never allow snails to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Bastjamzen Zigsityarp Zodbatfid must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.