Quatvenkim is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, uncaring goblin.

Quatvenkim created the Large Magellanic Cloud six billion years ago.

If you believe in Quatvenkim, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Quatvenkim, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Quatvenkim's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Quatvenkim's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never handle silver while unclean.

5. Do not dye your hair red.