Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, generous cat.

Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan created the universe three million years ago.

If you believe in Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan, he will turn you into a goat.

Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study cell theory on holy days.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching platinum.

3. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.