Gonhat is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, quiet bear.

Gonhat created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonhat, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gonhat, it will turn you into a snail.

Gonhat's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Gonhat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never run near ants.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.