Baphivfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, slow clam.

Baphivfarn created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Baphivfarn, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Baphivfarn, he will send minions to preach to you.

Baphivfarn's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Baphivfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of asteroids into wood.

2. Never remain prostrate at midday.

3. Never point your feet toward the south during prayer.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.