Batzenhivarngovcub is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, conceited tapir.

Batzenhivarngovcub created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batzenhivarngovcub, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Batzenhivarngovcub, he will curse you with boils.

Batzenhivarngovcub's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Batzenhivarngovcub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Erect five silver sculptures of Batzenhivarngovcub on top of important buildings.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not speak of thermodynamics near sacred fires.

5. You must pray to Batzenhivarngovcub seven times a day.