Tomwonlip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, fussy dog.

Tomwonlip created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomwonlip, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tomwonlip, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Tomwonlip's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Tomwonlip's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of bats.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. You must love Tomwonlip.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.