Gatnutbiss is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, selfish human.

Gatnutbiss created gold three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatnutbiss, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gatnutbiss, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gatnutbiss' most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Gatnutbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near doves while wearing turquoise jumpers.

2. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

3. Do not contemplate ultrasonics during the night.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Never mark doors with fawn.