Arfbugmeg Jappitjop is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, bad-tempered wyvern.

Arfbugmeg Jappitjop created matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Arfbugmeg Jappitjop, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Arfbugmeg Jappitjop, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Arfbugmeg Jappitjop's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Arfbugmeg Jappitjop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. You must love Arfbugmeg Jappitjop.

3. Never write about chlorophyll.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Never cross crossroads at midnight.