Hasquaffen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, passionate horse.

Hasquaffen created the Milkyway eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hasquaffen, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hasquaffen, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hasquaffen's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Hasquaffen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never hurt geese.

3. Hide from magenta badgers for they are unholy.

4. Never sprint in the presence of grasshopers.

5. Do not eat aubergines.